Would you let a few words ruin your life?

This post is my opinion. I have no affiliation with the Dr. Phil show or theDirty.com Web site.

Ha, my couch-sized laundry pile looks
at her basket with obvious disdain.

I don't normally watch daytime television, but I was avoiding housework this afternoon and happened to catch the Dr. Phil show. He had a very interesting guest, theDirty.com creator Nik Richie. Apparently, theDirty.com is a Web site that allows users to send in pictures of other people and leave a comment (often negative or sexist, but I think there are others as well). Having never heard of this Web site I was ready to jump on the hater band wagon when I saw the comments that were made (seeing as how I don't appreciate the sexism or hating on people for no reason). But I also have this annoying habit of thinking for myself, so I reserved judgment. (I know this was so very gracious, but please hold your applause.)

The point of the show seemed to be to give Dr. Phil (1) the opportunity try and trap Nik into a statement of fault, or guilt, and (2) of stating his opinion over and over. (Thereby convincing the public he's right, because if you say it repeatedly it must be true, right?) Anyway, they had a woman guest that had been an unwitting “victim” of the Web site. Some unnamed person took her modeling photos from her MySpace page, posted them on theDirty.com, and a bunch of nasty mean comments were made. She was understandably upset that mean nasty comments had been made about her, but she also said that she stopped modeling and her life was ruined because of theDirty.com Web site.

You posted my modeling pictures on the internet?
You're making me angry.
You won't like me when I'm angry.

This is where I started forming a strong opinion, because at this point in the show, Dr. Phil and the audience are outraged for her, as in How dare this man  ruining her life with his evil Web site.? Now, when I see a group starting to hate on someone I tend to look more closely, also I just love to root for the underdog. So here’s where I disagree with the masses:

1.      This woman is so unsecure as a model that a few dirty comments on one Web site made her quit modeling and ruined her life? I’m not really sure, because I’m definitely not a model, but I think models are public figures. I would imagine that posing for pictures for a living would bring about both positive and negative feedback. I would also argue that posting your modeling shoot pictures online is asking for people to look at them. But then again I just write this for myself and put it online for fun. I hope nobody ever reads it. That’s the point of posting pictures and stories online right, that it’s just for myself?

But there she is, poor lady whose private life was ruined because of a few comments. So I ask, is that really the fault of the Web site owner, or should she take ownership of her own feelings?

Good thing nobody ever made fun
of her, or it would be a life in the sewers.

2.      I say buck up lady, so some people said you look like a man. So freaking what, have you ever heard of Hilary Swank? She has a strong jaw and several masculine features. So if some jerk told the world she looked like a man before she was famous maybe she’d be cleaning the sewers (which is what I tell my kids they have to do if they get bad grades and don’t go to college), acting dreams gone, her life in tatters. Or maybe she would be a sane rational person and not give these people power over her life.

None of us can control what other people say about us, or how they try to treat us. But we can control our reactions to these people. We can choose the power that other people have, or don’t have, over our lives by choosing how to react. If this woman simply disregarded the comments maybe she would be a successful model with the life she wants, or maybe not, but at least it would be her choosing to find out. I’m more apt to believe that she uses this event as a scapegoat. If you truly have a dream or aspiration, don’t let a few jerks spoil it for you.

3.      Most people are inherently judgmental, myself included. I don’t know why this is, but I have seen it thousands of time in my life. Your perfectly sweet grandmother looks at another old lady walk away and mutters “tramp,” your hard working dad comes in and calls that kid a “smart ass,” your college-educated friend sees another driver on the road and yells “ignorant whore,” or your two-year old daughter comes home from daycare and tells you the other girls are “not nearly as pretty as a princess.” It may not be nice, but there it is.

I think most of us are used to this in the real world, but these comments are usually said to a close friend or relative, or maybe it’s just said under the breath. But then the internet came along things changed. Now we can post our comments ANONYMOUSLY. Ah, now we don’t have accountability. The anonymous user doesn’t have to look at the face of the person they verbally spit on, they also don’t have to worry about that person getting angry in return (or their family member walking over and punching them in the face). Oh no, now we make our mean, what we think is funny, comment and we never have to look at the consequences. Maybe theDirty.com is right; maybe it’s wrong, I don’t care because I know these mean comments will just be made somewhere else.

Here it is, a great reason to call each other
idiots, dumb asses, whores, and bacon eaters?

Example: Yesterday I was perusing a Web site that teaches you how to build your own guinea pig cage and showcases photos that users have sent to be posted online. One person made the comment that a guinea pig in the picture looked fat. That apparently was the catalyst for guinea pig lovers of all over the globe to flock to this site and start a virtual, mud-slinging war. My favorite comments being “you’re so dumb you thought your guineas were bacon and ate them” and “I’ll shove my guinea pigs poops in your giant red ears.”

4.      Okay, back to Dr. Phil. Another element that kept creeping in was that Dr. Phil is worried some person will be so upset over these comments they will commit suicide. Okay, stop, yes cyber bullying and cyber stalking are real. And when this behavior is directed at a child it’s another story because that child is still developing their personality, their character, their strength, and their ability to understand their self-worth.

I do not doubt that an adult could read something that hurt them so much, they hurt themselves. What I do doubt is that what they read is really the issue at hand. Any person that commits an act of that magnitude has other problems. It is not that Web site, or any other Web site. There are serious psychological issues at hand.

5.      Maybe you believe posting negative or sexist comments on the internet is morally wrong. Maybe you believe porn is morally wrong. Maybe you believe racist sites are morally wrong. Maybe you believe guinea pigs are beautiful and those that don’t agree are ignorant dumbasses. Maybe I agree with you, but it doesn’t matter. As long as the sites are not breaking any laws we can disagree with them but we cannot demand they take the site down.

6.      This post is much longer than I planned, so I will give you my last point. Don’t be a hypocrite. I heard the woman “victim” on Dr. Phil call the Web site creator “a joke” and some other names. I read comments on message boards saying he’s “a moron,” “an idiot,” “a loser,” etc. These same boards call his wife a gold-digging (insert not very nice word here). I say these people are as bad as the ones posting on theDirty.com. They are using an online platform to say mean nasty things about someone they don’t like.

 I’m just saying, “If you’re going to piss in the pot don’t stick your hands in it before supper.”

Go ahead, reach your hand deep down in there.